What Were You Expecting?: What Shrek Can Teach Us About Expectations

Have you ever realized that the more you know someone, the more you are aware of the common phrases they use in conversation? I noticed this recently with my boyfriend, Samuel. Often in conversation, he’ll explain, “..but in reality.” and then he’ll go on to explain how often our expectations are frequently different from how things are in...reality. Recently, while we were having a conversation about expectations and reality, he referenced the movie Shrek as a good example of how often our expectations don’t measure up to the reality of the situation. After he said this, I decided that I wanted to watch the movie again and reflect on this. As I re-watched the movie, I realized that this movie is a great example about how we all have expectations, sometimes they can be good, and sometimes they can get in the way. 

While most of us are familiar with Shrek, allow me to introduce you to our main characters. In the movie Shrek, we have Shrek, a big, green, “ugly” (In my opinion, I believe every creature has beauty :) ogre who wants nothing more than just to live alone in his swamp. While he has been hurt by others, he has come to the point where he just wants to be who he is..alone. We have Donkey who desires nothing more to befriend Shrek. We have Fiona, the princess awaiting her true love to rescue her in order to have the spell broken. Oh, and of course we have Lord Farquaad, who wants nothing more than to be king and in order to do so, must marry a princess. 

As the plot unfolds, we begin to see that each character has their own expectations. Lord Farquaad expects that all he must do is marry a princess and he’ll become king. Shrek is expecting to simply begin a journey to try to get his swamp back but this journey turns into a quest to find the princess for Lord Farquaad. Upon arriving at the castle, Shrek crashes into the castle (instead of gently throwing rocks at the window or sweetly calling for the princess). Fiona wakes up and observes what is happening and realizes that this moment must be perfect so she lies down again on her bed. Shrek then shakes her and yells at her to wake up. While she escapes with him, she begins to explain that their first meeting should not be this way. She explains, “You’re an ogre. It’s all wrong! I have to be rescued by my true love, not by some ogre and his pet.” After this encounter, Shrek begins to learn more about Fiona and begins to fall in love with her. He is surprised by her and is intrigued, “You know you’re not exactly what I expected.” Later, Donkey unintentionally discovers Fiona’s secret. She is not like other princesses. She turns into an ogre after the sun sets. Lord Farquaad discovers this on their wedding day and is completely appalled. Fiona has found her true love, she still remains an ogre. Shrek and Fiona declare their love for each other and then marry.

As you can see, this movie is full of characters and their expectations. More and more, I realize how I am full of expectations, too. I remember talking to a good friend about expectations and how sometimes they can get us in trouble. Sure, we should expect things of ourselves, others, and situations. However, like the movie Shrek, we must realize that things are not always what we expect, and that’s okay. Expectations arise in every aspect of our lives- within ourselves, in relationships with others, and experiences we find ourselves. Let’s reflect on these one at a time. 

Expectations of Ourselves

As I get older, I’m learning more and more about myself- about my heart and my mind. I learn that often I have very high expectations for myself. One day, I want to be a saint. I want to do my best at what I do. I want to do good things and help all of these people. I want to do the right thing. I want to change the world. I truly desire to be good. All of these things are wonderful. However, in all of these good things, I can find myself feeling disappointed when I don’t live up to what I think I should be. We have heard the saying, “You are your worst critic,” and this is true. I find myself being hard on myself and thinking that I should be something that God did not intend. He does not require that I’m perfect but that I make an effort to be like him. He desires us to grow but we get in the way of our growth by the expectations we place on ourselves. Fiona even said, “But I’m a princess and this is not how a princess is meant to look.” Later, after the spell was not broken, she tells Shrek, “ But I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful.” He lovingly tells her, “But you are beautiful.” This reminds me of how God is with us. We think, “But I’m supposed to be patient, forgiving, loving, and I failed.” God says, “You still can try to be patient, forgiving, loving, and I still see your goodness.” In addition to the way we view ourselves,  I’m sure this happens to many people when they are trying to accomplish something, which is what leads them to become discouraged in their lives. They desire to do great things, but the minute they fail or make a mistake, they feel that perhaps they are not great or can’t achieve something beautiful. Have you ever thought that maybe the expectation was a bit too high? Let’s look at an example. Suppose I desire to improve my prayer life. I work full time, have a family, and am involved in a few activities. Perhaps, I won’t tell myself that I will begin praying for 2 hours each day because that’s not really feasible. Perhaps, I can begin with 20 minutes of prayer time in the morning and then increase the time as I see fit. The important thing is to accept who we are and where we are and to realize that we can progress even if that progress is a little at a time.

Expectations of Others

Here’s something I’ve learned. We often judge others because they don’t measure up to the expectations we have for them in our heads. Oh, you don’t look the way I think you should or dress the way I think you should or act the way I think you should, so there must be something wrong with you. Similarly, Fiona was so caught up in her expectation of what her “knight in shining armor” should look like and act that she didn’t seem to be grateful that she was being rescued from the dragon. Remember her comment?  “You’re an ogre! It’s all wrong!” I remember giving a talk at a retreat and explaining how important it was to realize that other people were created in God’s image and likeness not in my (Megan’s)  image and likeness. What I meant was that whenever I encounter another, I must try to receive them well. God has created us differently and has unique plans for each soul. There are so many different personalities in the world and that’s what makes it so beautiful. No two people are the same. If I’m too busy expecting them to be how I would like them to be, I can miss the gift of who they are. 

Expectations of Situations

I’m really learning more and more how much of a planner I am. I’m a planner, and I’m practical. You can ask my boyfriend. I’m not sure if this is just a girl thing, but whenever I know we have an event, I start thinking about how things are going to turn out and how it will be. Similarly, Fiona  practically planned out how she should be rescued and what her knight should tell her and do for her. Even, at the end, she expected that finding her true love would break the spell. Well, that didn’t happen. I can tell you that often there’s one thing that often happens when we expect things to go the way we want them to go. Disappointment. It just never seems to turn out as it did in my head. Instead of being grateful, I end up being critical of the way things went. This really teaches me that planning and having expectations is a good thing, but I must allow myself to be surprised by God’s goodness in my everyday interactions and experiences. I can try to get things done but I must leave room for God to work knowing that my life doesn’t work on a schedule. Life just happens sometimes. Try to enjoy the detours. Appreciate the little things.

I never thought about Shrek in this way until Samuel mentioned it to me. I’m glad he did. Expectations play a huge role in all of our lives. I want to encourage you to have healthy expectations for yourself, receive others well, and enjoy those everyday experiences that God gives you. 

Expect great things,

Megan